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New Table Manners

Looks harmless enough, yes? He's just another South African dude with a brushcut. Although this is from way back in 2008 when Dudes of Hazard were still called The Brotherhood SA.

So, if you have watched our stuffs on our YouTube channel, you might have noticed that Chuck is a man of no moderation. It’s either too hard or too soft with him. I’m scared of him…kind of. You never know what surprises he has in store for us.

Bad Table Manners? Come and have a lesson or two with Chuck

This story will be about table manners. Some people have some serious issues with eating like a human. I must admit, I don’t mind pigging out now and again on a awesome cheese burger or a braaivleisie and Miller or 10.  So we’re just chilling around the house when Chuck says: “I have the best idea! It’s called New Table Manners, and it’s going to be awesome!”

Let’s just have a quick word about “awesome”…. sometimes we use the word “awesome” a bit too liberally. With what we do, sometimes a stunt sounds awesome in theory, but in execution it sucks donkey balls. Many a times when we plan a skit and it sounds like shit on paper,  8 out of 10 times it’s epic when you actually do it. Sometimes the most simplistic ideas turn into awesomeness.  We had a random video with me blowing a big-ass flame over Pete’s balls, flaming his insane shrubbery of pubes into a smoking, stinking pile of ashes. It was the most simplistic video ever, yet it was awesome! To see a massive flame engulfing someone’s cock and balls never gets old. He could be lucky his cock was all wrapped up in label stickers. Yeah, label stickers. It sounds whack, but those stickers saved his cock from being a crispy piece of bacon-esque human barbeque.

Yeah. It's a cock. And a flame. Way back in 2008

You are probable calling bullshit on the story, so there is some proof! It was insane!

Back to the table manners episode. So we’re very interested in this whole Table Manners with Chuck he’s all ranting about.  So we break out the cam and head to the backyard. “Be right back” Chuck says and disappears around the corner. A few minutes later he emerges with a fork and a cloth. So I thought to myself this is going to be the biggest load or shit under the sun. What could he possible do with a fork and a cloth? A magic trick? Houdini style fairy trickery that he claims to be awesome?

So Pete and I…we’re giving each other these “What the shit?” looks, knowing that this is probably going to suck big time. Jamaican accent: “Beeg Tyme. Beeg Taayme”

Started rolling, and he grabs the fork, and takes a tough guy pose. He does the intro to the skit. He says it nonchalantly. Like nothing major is about to go down. “I’m Chuck, and this is some New Table Manners”. Without a second thought he swings the fork down. You hear a strange “thud” sound…like maybe a knife being stabbed into some polystyrene.  He pegged himself in the forearm! HIMSELF!  Insanity!! After a brief moment of alarm signals rushing towards his brain, telling him “Hey dude….like….I don’t want to scare you are anything, but there was just a metal fork pegged into your body’s forearm. No need to fret though, it’s only bright red oxygen-rich blood. It’s nothing.”

Chuck checked out this fork in his arm and yelled. He didn’t sound very distressed even. Just like a casual “Ahhh Motherf…..” I think you can figure out what he said, yes?

Yeah. That's a fork. Pegged in his arm. True Story.

It was absolutely amazing! Here Chuck stood, not appearing in a lot of pain, with a fork sticking out of his arm. He slowly goes to one knee and grips his forearm. He was feeling the pain now! Pete was still busy asking him he would like someone to pull it out, when Chuck pulled it out by himself!

He was bleeding. I was expecting fountains and buckets full of Kill Bill blood to flood the floor, but only a surprisingly small amount of bright red blood tricked from his arm. When the fork slid out of him, he sounded like a Nazi in distress, with a high pitched “NEIN” He was cursing and laughing at the same time. He sounded very pleased with himself, exclaiming: “That was freakin’ amazing!”  Pete was standing against the wall, his facial expression was epic. He had a look of pure amazement in his eyes. I was impressed with Chuck. Where we though this was going to be some lame magic trickery stunt, he proved us wrong with a fork pegged into his arm!

A trickle of blood?

He didn’t seem to phased about it though.  He took the cloth he brought along… not the cleanest one ever..but hey, we’re stuntmen. Don’t need no clean cloths! A few minutes later he was talking on his mobile, checking out his arm where he just stabbed himself. This was one of the craziest ideas we have come up with to date. Once again this proves that you don’t need a huge budget and branded props to make an awesome video. This is proof that anything can happen if you have the drive and the determination. There have been so many instances where we just wanted to call it a day, so discouraged by negativity of some of the the viewers and the rejection of our proposal by potential sponsors or channels. But the next day, when I load the Fanpage and read all the positive comments on there and on Twitter, it makes it all worth it.

“Keep your ideals high…remember that the sky belongs to no one.”

That is about how this works. For the amount of setbacks, there are equal amounts of positivity and awesomeness, both from our fans and from South African companies and sites who sees the potential of our show. I was so surprised when I read my e-mails this morning and one of our fans on YouTube named TheDixiKiller (From South Africa) posted this comment:

“Donner julle ouens het guts.. julle moet op TV kom en meer bekend raak! Ekt julle video nou op ‘n site geadverteer… Hou aan julle drome volg en ek hoop die beste vir julle .”

English Translation:

“Damn you guys have guts.. you should be on TV and become more well known! I have advertised your video on a site.. Keep on following your dreams, and I hope for the best for you guys!”

Just a few simple words like this makes it all worth it. Every time you hear some say: “You’re just copycats, you suck, you’re idiots, you give South Africa a bad name”, just ONE person’s appreciation outshines all the negativity.


Dudes of Hazard would also like to thank Cat van den Berg, founder and editor of the awesome alt-magazine in South Africa called Black Mountain Magazine for featuring us in the Mayhem section of their mag, as well as on their website. Thank you for the opportunity Cat, you are so super awesome! You have no idea how much it means to us, and we are honored to be a dweller of The Mountain! Also a special thanks to Wesley Jeftha of Definite Culture South Africa, who set up Dudes of Hazard’s profile on their media portal and website Definite Culture. We appreciate it grandly mate!

I guess there are still some kind hearted people left in the world who don’t forget the little guys still trying to make a name.

I guess this wraps up New Table Manners. If you like what you read, please subscribe to our blog! You don’t need to be a member of WordPress to keep up with our stuffs, if you subscribe your e-mail will be added to a list and you’ll receive an update with every new post! For all you people who are on WordPress or most other blogs, you know how it works! Subscribe and follow!

Also remember to join our Facebook Fan Page, where you get access to exclusive photos and updates, as well as vintage Dudes of Hazard content only available on the page! Check out more crazy episodes on YouTube and follow us on Twitter!

It’s been awesome, and as always, stay safe! – JV 8)

New Table Manners

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