Category Archives: More Dudes of Hazard Stuffs

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What do YOU want to see?

So, after countless hours of falling, shooting, smacking and general madness, we have decided to try something new. Every one of you have something that you would like to do, or if you aren’t up to do it, would like someone else to do. Sadism is inherent in each human being on this earth, and we all derive a certain pleasure, conscious or subconscious, whenever another person hurts himself or gets hurt. Often the feeling is amplified by seeing the other person fail in the most extreme way possible. You feel a sense of wonder, a small part of you knows that he deserved it, a small part of you feel sorry for him, but the majority of your being feels compelled to shout “Oh Snap!” as loud as you can.

Therein lies the secret. Whenever you see a clip of a kid falling on his face, a guy falling off his BMX, someone getting tazed, whatever the case may be, you just HAVE to share it. You just HAVE to!  The readers who are on Facebook and Twitter knows what I’m talking about. When you see an epic fail on YouTube or Break, you instinctively click on the myriad of share buttons below the clip. It’s almost a instant response.

Now, for the plan… If you have an awesome idea you would like us to try (Now, don’t be naive and say jump off a building or set yourself on fire), you can either post it on our Fanpage Wall or send us an e-mail to jovaara1985@gmail.com with the heading Xtremity. Pete and I will then review the idea and make adjustments if needed. If it is a realistic idea, it will be filmed and uploaded!

 

Also, we are planning the launch of a competition soon! We’re working on the final details, but if will involve winning some pretty cool Dudes of Hazard merch! Keep an eye out, maybe the next entry will disclose full details and what it entails!

 

In the meanwhile, here is a new clip we filmed in the dead of night…The lighting sucks a little bit, but it’s still a pretty cool clip. Check it out if you have some time to spare.

Until next time, share this blog, share Dudes of Hazard fanpage, check out our YouTube Channel, subscribe and follow us on Twitter too!

Much Love!! – JV

 

Die Laksman

 

 

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It’s been a long while since I posted anything on this blog.  Part of the reason being it was kind of Christmas…part of the reason is that Dudes of Hazard has undergone a major turning point in dynamics.  Regrettably Chuck is no longer part of the Dudes of Hazard team as he chose to pursue separate interests. The bright side is that Pete and I continue to build on the brand, and effectively introduced a new segment called Xtremity!

Soon after Chuck decided to part with the team, we sat down and had a long and serious talk (over a couple of cold one’s of course) and decided that we have worked to damn hard can came too far just to pack up our shit and leave. It might seem like a futile expedition we are currently on, and no one cares about our stuffs….but I beg to differ. We…

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So….We Meet Again!

It’s been a long while since I posted anything on this blog.  Part of the reason being it was kind of Christmas…part of the reason is that Dudes of Hazard has undergone a major turning point in dynamics.  Regrettably Chuck is no longer part of the Dudes of Hazard team as he chose to pursue separate interests. The bright side is that Pete and I continue to build on the brand, and effectively introduced a new segment called Xtremity!

Soon after Chuck decided to part with the team, we sat down and had a long and serious talk (over a couple of cold one’s of course) and decided that we have worked to damn hard can came too far just to pack up our shit and leave. It might seem like a futile expedition we are currently on, and no one cares about our stuffs….but I beg to differ. We have a growing fanbase, both in South Africa these last 2 months, as well as a brilliant array of international fans and friends, including the awesome Jason Farmer (Also known as Stuntman89) and Ralph Lowden from Outcast Stuntz to name but two.

Featured on Attack Of The Show in the US, where we were the top video for 5 weeks in a row, it must mean that we are doing something right. Although it’s broadcast on the G4TV network in the US, and probably reached like 2% of the South African population, it still is some pretty decent exposure. Any and every little bit helps, and if South African channels and shows could feature us it would be super awesome. However, we lack these kinds of shows that showcases South African shows, talents and antics. If a TV channel should start such a show, it would be one of a kind, and a massive hit.

Lucky for us, there are some awesomely awesome people left in South Africa who has a kind heart and willing to help fellow acts and preformances in South Africa.

Our number one lady is Cat van den Berg from Black Mountain Magazine (Facebook Page / Black Mountain Website) who is the only (and if I say THE ONLY I do mean it) website/company owner who actually likes what we do and actively promotes our show and stuffs. We would like to thank her for giving us the opportunity to market ourselves through her Facebook Page, Website and Magazine (Yeah, she actually does own a magazine).

Now back to the matter at hand. Building on the Xtremity segment, Pete and I have changed much of the dynamic and ideas. The main idea behind Xtremity is to test various items and how much pain they can inflict. It mostly involves household items or cheap items easily acquired without a budget.

The pilot, called Staples & Traps, is the general idea in which we want the series to head in. Since then we did another episode called Blowpipe Time, where we tested home-made blowguns on each other. That was some serious fun!

It’s quite easy actually to construct one of those blowguns, and if you sharpen the skewers to perfection I rate it could do some real damage!

While I work on another entry, enjoy this little video. It’s called Stapler Augmentation, and I felt like doing it in a Russian accent.

Until next time! Remember to share this, join our Fanpage and subscribe to our YouTube channel!

Much Love!  JV

Stapler Augmentation

Kak Idees…Die Top 5

Hierdie was die kakste idee wat ons nog ooit gehad het.

So, oor die jare heen vanaf 2008 het ons ‘n paar lekker kak idees gehad. Party van hulle was sommer net pleinweg kak, ander was minder kak…maar steeds kak. Hierdie Blog entry gaan so bietjie in Afrikaans wees…ek sien op Twitter en Facebook hoe die mense sommer so bly word soos diere as die woord Afrikaans gemention word, so hier gaat hy.

Ek dink wat ek gaan doen hier is om ons Top 5 Kak Idees te bespreek…Mmm…jaaa.

Kak Idee  #5: Flaming Croc

Ahhh jaa. Die Flaming Croc was 'n kak idee van die begin af.

Ahhh jaa. Die Flaming Croc was ‘n kak idee van die begin af. Om mekaar te wil staan en slaan met goeters wat brand is oor die algemeen nie die beste idee nie, en iewers gaan die kak spat. Die bright idee, soos meeste van julle weet, is deur Pete uitgedink. Die plan is om ‘n croc (Ja, daai plakkie goed wat jou soos ‘n totale doos laat lyk in die publiek, en jou voete laat honk soos ‘n Soweto visneus) in thinners te dip, aan die brand te steek en iemand te slaan met die ding terwyl hy brand. Nie so lekker nie, daai croc brand apparently die choppa wat geslaan word laat hy weet, en skroei bietjie jou hare en laat jou soos ‘n stroois ruik. Maar die nie al nie. As jy mos dink jy’s slim, en wil nie die croc gaan koop ten duurste nie, seil jy af na een van hierdie Chink shoppies toe en gaan koop so paar van die fake crocs vir 30 bokke. Dink jy spaar geld op die einde van die dag, maar die waarheid is daai goed is ‘n klomp tos en smelt soos ‘n Clover melkbottel op ‘n braaivleis rooster. Sou jy dan die ding swaai om iemand te slaan sal daai plastic wat so lekker gesmelt het orals spat, alles brand en verniel, en dan eindig jy op in die hospitaal. Hoe de donner verduidelik jy vir die dokter jy is gelaan met ‘n croc wat aan die brand is. Hy dink seker jy is die grootste tang onder die son as jy dit vir hom sê, maar bokke is

In sy moer in gebrand met 'n croc

bokke, so hy help jou maar. Dan eindig jy op ‘n lekker Simba chippy soos Pete. In sy moer in gebrand met ‘n cheapstuf croc wat gesmelt het en sommer op hom ook vasgesmelt het, en tweedegraadse brandwonde gelos het. Hoe super awesome was daai kak idee? Nie so awesome vir hom wat ‘n maand lank soos ‘n plank moes loop nie en elke aand van sy herstel so kakdik laag Betadine moes opsmeer nie. Chuck Norris het niks op Pete nie. Dit was inderdaad ‘n yster gewees.

Kak Idee  #4: Guitar Smash

Kyk enige awesome action movie nê, dan sien jy iewers in die movie is daar iemand wat in sy moer in geslaan word met ‘n guitar, so dat jy net sien stukkies hout en snare en kak spat. Die choppa wat geslaan word is gewoonlik ‘n taai bees en draai om die bliksem almal rondom hom dan half dood. Moeg vir die storie het ons besluit om dit te toest en te sien of jy regtig so ding kan breek op iemand se rug.

So guitar is donners hard. Hy breek nie vir 'n moer nie.

Chuck gaan haal mos dan een van sy famous guitars…en nou moet ek vir julle ook sê, dis nie eers ‘n ordentlike ding soos ‘n Fender of iets nie. Nee, dis sommer net so cheapstuff Cash Crusaders Sanchez guitar. Hoe hard kan hy possibly wees? Daar steek ons vir Gail op om hom te slaan met die ding, want hoe awesome sal dit nie wees dat ‘n chick ‘n guitar om hom smash nie. Dit sal hot wees. Gee vir Gail handskoene en tune haar om hom te slaan. Sy slaan hom twee of drie keer en die ding kraak nie eers nie. Wat se kak is dit. Slimjan wat ons is sal ons mos nou dink sy is te lig in die broek vir die storie, so ek vat die guitar om hom uit te haal.

Ek het hom ‘n koekhou gslaan, jy kan op die slo-mo van die video hoor hoe “sccchwinggg” daai snare soos hy travel. KAPWAW! Chuck is half in sy moer in geslaan en die guitar makeer niks. So, mag ek jou vra wat se kak daai choppas op die movies praat. Jy sal nooit in jou lewe daai ding kan breek op iemand nie. Nie vir ‘n moer nie. So jy dit regkry met een of ander miracle sal die arme ou heel waarskynlik lê en vrek en verstik in ‘n plas van sy eie bloed wat hy gaan uitkots met sy vergruisde ribbes en geskeurde longe.

'n Vet merk

Nie ‘n blink plan nie. So daai myth is proven… Chuck het vir 2 maande geloop met so vet merk op sy rug, en hy het heeldag gemoan oor hoe kak seer die ding  is. Hy was erger as ‘n donnerse vroumens gewees. So leer ons uit die eskapade uit dat ‘n guitar hard soos kak is, en nie breek nie. Hy breek dalk teen ‘n boom, maar nie op ‘n mens nie.

Kak Idee  #3: Infernal Showdown

Dit lyk altyd so lekker as jy ‘n clip sien van iemand wat geskiet word met Roman Candles. Maar die probleem is net dan die choppa wat geskiet word gewoonlik net so een of twee shots van en dan weghardloop soos ‘n moer. Dit lyk nie baie seer nie, ek bedoel, regtig. Dis net soos ‘n paintballgun…hy skiet sagter en die paintball is aan die brand. Hoe erg kan dit wees?

Dink jy dis pissies wat weghardloop vir crackers?

Glo my, as jy staan vir meer as vyf van daai goed, is jy diep in die kak. Dit lyk nie erg nie, so ek dink mos ek is ‘n leeu en trek ‘n sweismasker aan en gaan staan dat omtrent so 8 van ons vriende my skiet met daai goeters. Op die gelyke tyd. Nou elkeen van daai pypies het omtrent to 60-100 pellet goedjies in. Dit was ‘n kak plan. Dink ek mos nog ek is taai en gaan staan vir alles, hoe erg kan dit wees? DIS KAK!! Daai goedjie tref jou met so spoed, en omdat hy so warm is smelt van hulle vas in jou vel. Dis bullshit. Ek het probeer om dit uit te hou, maar kon net nie. Een van hulle het my nipple is sy donner in gebrand, ‘n ander een het so in my naeltjie gepop en hom moer toe gebrand, en dan nog een wat so in my nek vasgemelt het. Daai kak was kak. een van hulle het tot onder die masker in gekom, die donner weet hoe. Ek kan bly wees hy het nie explode in my gevreet nie, anders sou ek jammer gewees het. Dit maak nie eintlik saak nie want ek was jammer daarna. Ek het seker 30 brandplekke gehad op my lyf.

Dit was sommer kak

Dis amper so erg soos om ‘n lomp sigaret barndmerke te hê op jou lyf. Weet jy hoe kak moeilik is dit om te slaap met daai brandmerke. Jy kannie op jou rig of op jou maag lê nie, want dis net merke orals. Daai crackers is kak. Kak van die duiwel. So daai choppas wat twee van die goed wat en skree” Eina nee dis seer”… MAN UP en vat meer van hulle.

Kak Idee  #2: New Table Manners

Hoe slim dink jy is dit om ‘n vurk in jou arm te peg? Nie baie slim nie, nê? En dan nog beter, hoe slim is dit om ‘n vurk in jou EIE arm te peg. Dis presies wat Chuck gedoen het. Nie baie slim nie, aangesien jy bloedvergiftiging en allerhande kak kan kry van dit. Maar dink jy ons worry oor daai? Nee wat, steek on in die arm en vloek so bietjie soos ‘n matroos.

Moenie stres nie. Dis net 'n vurk

Dis nie so erg nie. Dis net ‘n vurk in die arm. Hy het daai ding met mening in sy poot in gesteek. Dit was nie baie slim nie. Die bloed wat daar uitgekom het was so bright rooi gewees. Duidelik het hy iets daar raakgesteek wat hy nie eintlik moes gesteek het nie. Chuck het so bietjie daar gevloek en gekrul van die pyn, maar het die vurk self uitgetrek. Die ding het nie eers so baie gebloei nie. Vee die bloed af met ‘n lap en daar gaat hy. Tetnis inspuitings en al daai kak moet maar wag tot ons actually geld het vir dit. Vir nou doen Dettol en Staaldruppels die job goed genoeg.

Sou iemand danders dalk die vurk in sy arm gesteek het sou dit dalk nie so awesome gewees het nie, maar net omdat hy dit self gedoen het is die beste van die shit. En hy was nie eers baie ge-phase daaroor nie want so paar minute later het hy op sy foon gepraat met so ander moer wat ‘n weet nie hoeveel meter se sweep het daar by hom nie, en Chuck wil geslaan word met die ding. Hy gaan voel soos ‘n visneus in die 1950’s wat iets gesteel het en nou die straf kry van so paar houe met die sweep.

Kak Idee  #1: Shitbox9™

Hierdie kak is sommer kak

Hierdie kak vat die koek. Of sal ek sê dit vat die kak. Die hele idee was om Pete in ‘n boks te sit, en ‘n bottle gemufde kak in ‘m mayonaise bottel naby sy gesig te sit laat hy dit opsnuif en hopelik bietjie te kots. Die idee het gewerk, maar dit was siek. Daai kak het ge-HONK! Dit was ondraaglik. Almal het rondgestaan en geruk en holle geruk..

Tot die honde het kom kyk wat de donner gaan aan hier. Daai idee was kak. Alhoewel dit nie te kak was nie, want ons beplan nou weer ‘n Shitbox9™  maar baie beter en baie groter! Soos om hom in ‘n yskasboks te sit met ‘ sambreel en die shit oor die sambreel te gooi en dan sien wat doen hy. Dit sal awesome wees.

 

En dit is die einde van die Afrikaanse Blog. Ahh jaaa. Dit was die regte ding om te doen.

Onthou om hier te join op ons Facebook Fan Page, waar jy eksklusiewe goeters kan kry at niemand anders het nie, soos fotos en ou videos en updates. Check ons videos op YouTube en volg ons ook op Twitter!

Stay awesome, & stay safe! – JV 8)

Die Bal Lokval

Tree Of Woe

Can you imagine a Spartan-style Ride of the Valkyrie playing here?

For those of you who appreciates great classic movies or if you are a Arnold Schwarzenegger fan, when you hear the words “Tree of Woe” your mind immediately snaps to the 1982 blockbusting movie Conan the Barbarian.  “Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! Such a waste. Contemplate this on the tree of woe. Crucify him!” Thulsa immortalised the words “Tree of Woe”…. But, alas, this is not that Tree of Woe. It’s still a tree…well…kind of a tree.  More a bush, but it caused Pete some woe…

The Tree of Woe. That's Conan, not Pete.

The idea came when we watched 300… Where there was a mighty leap by one of the Spartans, getting some sweet, sweet air before lopping off a bloke’s arm with a scimitar-looking sword. It is highly unlikely to have such a massive jump if you don’t have a steady launch, so we contemplated this for a bit. How could we make Pete launch and also catch some sweet, sweet air before doing at least mildly entertaining at the end. Since chopping off one of our arms with a sword is out of the question, we came to the conclusion of using the Tree of Woe as the enemy. The hypothetical Persian whose arm gets lopped off in a great display of awesomeness.

We suited up and went bargain hunting. Before long we found some awesome mouse ears for Pete, as well as a sword. Okay, not a real sword per say….more like a crazy looking dagger thingy decorated in a gold handle and sheath. Not very big or intimidating, but it’d have to do. Returning home, the Tree of Woe beckoned Pete. He was mesmerized. He couldn’t help himself, it was as if in a trance…. Okay, not really, but he was excited to do this skit.

The hypothetical shield Pete launched from to slay the Tree of Woe

Since there was no Spartan with a huge shield to give him a boost as he leapt into oblivion, he clambered up a wall like a nimble cat in search of his next snack, and ripped out his sword. Okay, unsheathed his dagger. We were waiting in anticipation. This was going to be totally legendary. Pete stood on the wall, trying to keep his balance, his feet curling around the single brick wall like a vulture’s claws. As he prepared to do the intro, we mocked him and made some rather disturbing squawking sounds to emphasize how ridiculous this whole idea was. He did the intro. “I’m Pistol Pete, and this is the Tree of Woe!!!!”

Cue laughter and Ride of the Valkyrie playing in the background… “You can tell your Persian friends, they can go fishing!!” he roared. It was kind of weird, seen as there were no Persians or their friends anywhere near..In fact, Google estimates that should you drive to Persia, it would take 11 days and 14 hours of constant driving to cover the insane 19 701,3 km to Persia.

And there he leapt! I must hand it to him, he caught some sweet, sweet air with that jump! He even arched his back, dagger above the head. He captured the spirit of Sparta magnificently! After what seemed like an eternity of awesomeness he smashed into the Tree of Woe. It was a ruffle of twigs snapping and laughter, with the dry leaves swirling about after impact. He was trapped in the tree, so we obviously had to help him out then. Roughly strong handing him out of the tree like a East Coast pimp, he got scratched pretty good!

The weapon of choice. The heroic dagger!

The dagger. The dagger was still clutched in his hand when we pulled him out of the tree. It’s remarkable he didn’t let go of the dagger mid air or on impact, but like a true hero he held it like a boss! He mumbled something. “It really hurts. It burns” he muttered as we admired the scratches the Tree of Woe gave him on his torso.

I think it must have hurt quite a bit, as he exclaimed “I’m on Fire” with a hoarse voice.  There was quite a fair amount of scratches on Pete, and he took it like a man. Even on his legs and thighs were some scratches where the Tree of Woe took it’s toll. Overall I think that the Tree of Woe went very well. His form was good, his landing was well planned and the execution was flawless. I might rate that a 9 out of 10.

He was a tad jittery afterwards, so we offered him some cold drink to add some sugar to his adrenaline fueled body. Drawing inspiration from this skit, Pete decided that it’s time to step it up, and is working on a brand new skit called Bed of Roses. As I understand the basic premise is to make a landing of cardboard boxes, true stunt style, top it up with some trimmed rose and thorn bush branches and pieces. Then he will apparently proceed to jump from and obstacle, onto the boxes. He says it’s going to be the roof  of the house.

Tree of Woe takes no prisoners.

If he looked like this from the Tree of Woe, just imagine what horrors the Bed of Roses has in store for him. It’s going to be legendary.

 

I guess that’s it then for today 🙂

 

Remember to join our Facebook Fan Page, where you get access to exclusive photos and updates, as well as vintage Dudes of Hazard content only available on the page! Check out more crazy episodes on YouTube and follow us on Twitter!

Stay awesome, & stay safe! – JV 8)

Tree of Woe

Crocs And Flames

Pow baby! That's what a Flaming Croc should look like!

Do you hate them too?

Crocs. Everyone hates crocs. They are the pinnacle of shitty footwear. They don’t work in public, because you look like a total douche. The don’t work in the wild, because they are soft and easily punctured. They don’t work on the beach because the sand gets in and it chafes like a sonofabitch.

They don’t even look cool if you wear them while doing your dishes or cooking in your birthday suit, wearing only crocs. The pretty much make you look like a total cock, no matter what. They are so shitty, in fact, that even Pete had a fairly hard time to even look cool while being smacked with a croc.  Now, before you think “Yeah right, smacked with a croc? STFU n00b” it should be noted that the croc was doused in thinners and set alight. So it was a croc. A flaming croc. While in theory it sounds like a bullshit story that doesn’t make any sense, check out the stills. And even then you ain’t seen nothing yet! The rabbit hole goes even deeper than a simple shot and James Bond roll with a croc. It involves some serious medical expenses and second degree burns….

Thinners. Best for huge flames and irreponsible fun

Bright idea? Not quite. While it might look awesome to see a guy get smacked with a insane splatter of thinners and rogue flames, it is actually a rather dangerous stunt. Notice Pete’s Jew-fro he’ was cultivating there? Well, it could have gone up in flames and have his ears melted to his skull like a a boss. Luckily it went without a hitch 😀

Where does this insane idea come form you ask? I have to admit, I have no idea how Pete comes up with his stunts. He has the most macabre ideas in the history of mankind. If Dudes of Hazard actually had a bigger budget I rate he would blow you away with most of his elaborate schemes. Actually, if we had a bigger budget the whole show would elevate to a level of awesomeness beyond comprehension! So, that being said, back to the Burning Croc.

You have to know that these bastard crocs are notoriously hard to set alight. They seem to have a natural resistance to soaking up any kind of liquid….even thinners. Only later we found out that if you cut them or puncture them, then they soak up the shit like a boss. And that is not necessarily a good thing. It’s a good thing for the fans and for the footage, because it looks totally epic, but it was bad for Pete. Very bad for Pete.

The first Burning Croc skit took place when we were still filming with Zoopy and had a webshow with them….And it was pretty awesome. Set out to the garage to find a nice 5L of thinners, get braai tongs and a croc. It has to be noted that this specific croc was actually a real Croc, not these fake crocs made by little snot nosed Chinese lighties in a cramped factory. No, this was the real thing. While you might think that there is no difference between a real croc and a fake croc, you are terribly mistaken. As were we.  More on that in a bit though.

So we douse the croc in thinners and Pete does the intro for the skit. “I’m Pistol Pete, and this is the Flaming Croc!” As I rear back to give him a proper slap, the flame dies. Have I mentioned that these things are difficult to set alight? Maybe it’s to prevent a guy’s crocs from melting onto his foot when he steps on a red hot coal while having a bit of a braai.  So we tried to light the croc off the floor, where there still was a flaming puddle of thinners. It didn’t work though, as the croc had a tiny little flame. Not enough for a stunt. So I hold this croc with a little, tiny flame and Chuck douses the thing with thinners, And as you know, Chuck pays no heed to moderation. He splashes a generous amount of thinners on the croc! It goes up in a magnificent flame, singing the hair off my arms and almost setting Chuck’s face alight. It was insane! The tongs heated up to unbearable temperature within minutes, and with delayed reactions I flicked it away onto the sidewalk. Goddamnit.Fail 1.

That's one sexy flame

So with try number three, it was awesome. Third time’s is a charm they say. I’d say it’s true! The third try was a loud, audible smack and a spatter of thinners and flames! You could actually see the heatwaves emanating from the croc as it sped towards Pete. He tensed up, and SMACK! The croc brought a proper smackdown! He roared and ran towards the sidewalk, where he did a legendary James Bond-esque  roll that would make Daniel Craig hang his head in shame. This stunt was a massive success! At first we thought that the flame did nothing to him. Upon closer inspection though, it came to light that his hair was singed all proper like. And worse than that, he smelled like a burnt log for at least a week afterwards. And not s subtle smell, you could smell him from a distance. People most probably thought that he was some kind of pyromaniac…. a little hooligan bastard…. a lawless repeat offender with his singed air and awkward smell. It does no matter though, it turned out to be awesome.

The infamous Flaming Croc at Aandklas, Hatfield

BUT, remember when I said there is a difference between a fake croc and a real croc? So, we’re doing this live show at Aandklas Hatfield, a awesome Pub/Grill/Winning place.  As per usual, Pete brought the strangest ideas with. This time involving the famous and legendary Braaiboy, who is here to have fun, while having a braai. Every day. Yes, EVERY DAY! He’s a legend of a man, his Facebook Fan Page has  about 21 400 likes at the time of writing this blog entry. So you can be guaranteed of his awesomeness.

Pete breaks out his fake-ass Chinese croc, and it’s placed on the grill. The croc goes up in flames surprisingly fast… But it wasn’t a concern at the time. At least it didn’t die. So Braaiboy swings and smacks Pete with the croc. The flame was rather disappointing and the croc fell to the ground in a grand moment of anticlimax. Courageously Pete roars: “AGAIN!”

That was kind of a  huge mistake he would come to regret for about a month afterwards. In the time the croc had been lying on the grill for the second time, it had time to properly soak up the flames. Turns out that fake crocs were more susceptible to soaking up thinners than genuine crocs. As Braaiboy picked up the croc, it was an insane, dripping, melted remnant of a croc. The flame was huge! It dawned on us that this was the most bullshit idea, and it was guaranteed to turn out for the worst. It was too late, as Braaiboy swung down and smacked Pete with the now melted to shit croc. He connected Pete on the lower back, and the croc disbanded and splattered in a spray of melted plasticky substance and thinners.

This is Braaiboy. Like his page!

Pete’s back was covered in scalding hot plastic melting into his skin! He let out a mighty Spartan-like roar and used his T-shirt he was holding in a feeble attempt to wipe away the plastic. That was bad idea number two. As he wiped the plastic, most of it came of.

Along with his cooked skin. It was insanity! He was burnt. Bad. We tried to wipe it off, but ti was too late, What didn’t come off with the initial wipe was now melted into his skin and cooled down already. It was FUBAR. Luckily our mate Xavier Loubser, who is a paramedic at Best Care Ambulance Services was there. If it weren’t for him, we’d pro’lly be screwed. Pete would have been screwed grandly. Xave took charge and bundled us into his car. Stepped on the gas, we zipped through the Snor City traffic like a boss, and stopped at the ER within a matter of minutes. That was the most adrenaline fueled ride I have had in a long time. I have to hand it to Xave, he is a goddamn pro at high speed maneuvering in Snor City. He takes no prisoners.

We arrive at the ER and he logs in. Fortunately he knows the staff, and we were inside in a matter of seconds. Pete was taken to the back to be examined, where a nurse cleaned his burns and took off some of the melted plastic. She was far from impressed. Although this was insane, it was kind of awesome at the same time.

So Pete’s all wrapped up after a while, and came out looking like a mummy doing a striptease, all wrapped halfway in bandages and reeking of Burnshield.

Hats of to Xavier for helping us out. If it weren’t for him, Pete might have had to spend the next night or two in the hospital with a IV to keep him hydrated. Xave took him back to his flat  and rigged him up like a boss with some painkillers and a IV.

Awesomeness Personified. Xavier Madness Loubser

Awesomeness Personified. Xavier Madness Loubser

Our thanks and gratitude cannot be expressed towards Xave. He is a total legend. He is a prince and a scholar!

So, while he might look like a ordinary, good looking Snor City bloke, he is in fact a goddamn hero. True Story.

Pete was pretty fuck burnt to shit for a while, and walked like a old man with cramped balls, and couldn’t get or out of a car without looking like the South African Planking Champion. So…countless bandages, bottles of Dettol and two rather large and expensive jars of Betadine later and he’s all better and healed. Only some scarring remain, but not too much. But it’s all good, because scars are sexy 😉

We have agreed that the Flaming Croc idea would be binned…maybe forever. It was a terrible idea, and a stunt gone wrong….or maybe…. a stunt gone right? Depends on your view I guess. To us, we say that it was a stunt gone wrong, but in reality it actually was a stunt gone right. Pete’s street-rep increased massively after this massive fail, and it went down in Blog History.

Insane.

Burnt with a melted croc

Pow baby!

I guess this wraps up another one! Go and like Braaiboy now and be part of the Braaivolution. Also go and like Best Care Ambulance Services. They proud themselves in being one of the leading ambulance services in Pretoria. Best Care Ambulance Services has been in the medical industry for more than 10 years, and is always willing to help the community.

Remember to join our Facebook Fan Page, where you get access to exclusive photos and updates, as well as vintage Dudes of Hazard content only available on the page! Check out more crazy episodes on YouTube and follow us on Twitter!

Stay awesome, & stay safe! – JV 8)

The Flaming Croc


This is Balls!

Vintage 2008 Ballbag. And a spinning bicycle wheel.....

Balls. ‘Nads. Moxy…..Where you have courage to do something that is either courageous and brave, or just plain stupid. Stupid…yet awesome. When you hear the word “stuntman” or similar phases, the immediate image pops into your mind of a burly, muscly guy taking hits and falls and stuffs like a boss.

Most probable image when you hear the word "stuntman"

Mostly requirements to be a stuntman takes years of training.You get taught how to fall, how to roll, how to make everything seem far worse than it really is. It all sounds good in theory, yes? Well, in most cases it pro’lly is best to know how to do a James Bond roll when falling from a roof in order to save yourself from a potentially dangerous, albeit awesomely comedic fall. It will work well in the movies, but sometimes you can see it’s orchestrated, and the awesomeness isn’t there anymore. Instead you picture the event as a well rehearsed movie piece.

Doing stunts and stuffs myself it was most obvious to me in a prominent scene of Jackass 2. I don’t know how many of you noticed this, but it’s in the Beehive Limo skit.

So the limo rolls up and Johnny and Bam clamber to the roof to release the bees into the limo. The marbles are already on the floor. So, after they throw the bees into the limo, they jump from the vehicle’s roof. Both Johnny and Bam execute near perfect parkour-esque rolls instead of just landing like a normal guy.

SNAP!! So there it occurred to me that in the scenes where the guys actually fall, do they really fall or do they stage a fall and roll it like a boss? Luckily this doubt didn’t last long, as in Jackass 3 and 3.5 they fall like dead weight, no rolling, no fancy stuff. Just BOOM – on the floor! People watching this kind of entertainment don’t care care about well oiled stunts, cool scenery and branded props. They care about one thing, and one thing only: Seeing someone get hurt and in pain.

Shows like Jackass, Crazy Mike, Dudesons, Dudes of Hazard, Dickstroyers and Prank Brothers are a success because of one thing: The approachability, ease of execution and in most cases the simplicity of any given stunt or skit.

It's easy to make a simple stunt be awesome if you have no idea what you are doing

When you watch any show where people do strange, insane and funny stuffs, and mostly stunts, the key is relating to the show.

If you watch a program or video and think: “Hey, I’d can do that! But I won’t because it’s totally insanely awesomely dangerous” then you have done it right. If the viewer feels that he or she can try a specific skit too, then you have the right direction for your show. Mostly, the majority of the human race wouldn’t try any crazy stuff in fear of scars, pain or acts going wrong. However, like ourselves, a select few adrenaline junkies with no souls come up with the most perplexing ideas to inflict hurt on one another and themselves.

A prime example is during the Burning Croc stunt, where I was holding a flaming croc in my hand, and bright spark Chuck doused the thing in turpentine. Singed off all my hair from my arm. Sizzling stuff, yes? Not really. We could have gone up in flames like bosses, running in flaming circles while screaming profanity, and end up lying in the hospital for months while looking eerily akin to The English Patient. Wrapped up in bandages and being fed soup and stuffs. At least you get to wear cool shades.

Cool shades, bro

Another prime example of sheer stupidity must have been the Pegtime Porcupine. What human being in his right state of mind would  intentionally sharpen wooden barbeque skewers on the cement and get pegged with them in the torso. The idea was too look like a human porcupine at the end, but after twenty odd skewers and numerous skewers that failed to peg, it was quite enough. It’s amazing how those skewers bun when they’re pegged into you. It’s crazy.

Yet this time I am at it again, only this time I am devising a super awesome blowdart gun to use for, ahem…various purposes. To hurt myself and others with? No sir! What gives you that idea? 😉

I remember our first skit ever filmed was Pete with a tiny BMX suited for a 7-8 year old kid, trying to do a super awesome ramp. Of course it failed miserably and he hit the dirt like a soggy sack of shit. Given that it was in the beginning days, he slammed into the ground and refused to do anything remotely daring for the next few days. Not anymore, though. Now he’s all like, yeah man, let’s do it! Bring it!

Premature Detonation!

So in the end it doesn’t matter if your idea or stunt is a failure or even if it’s a bullshit stunt that make no sense at all, if you have the right relationship with your viewers and your fans, it won’t matter. You can have all the shitty footage in the world and still be a success. It all depends on your fans. Without your fans you will get absolutely nowhere in life.

Well, I guess that wraps it up for this session…  Remember to join our Facebook Fan Page, where you get access to exclusive photos and updates, as well as vintage Dudes of Hazard content only available on the page! Check out more crazy episodes on YouTube and follow us on Twitter!

Stay awesome, & stay safe! – JV 8)

Knocked Up TWICE with Zambooby!

Get To The Chopper!

Get To The Chopper!!

Chopper. The Chopper. Not a very inventive name, yes? If you hear someone say: “Hey, dude, did you see The Chopper? It was crazy” you’d pro’lly think about a real helicopter…and rate a chopper not to be really something awesome. Or most of the hardcore action fans will have an instant flashback to Predator, where Arnold did his famous “GET TO DA CHOPPAAAAAHH!” line.

Choppers. Arnold says get to them. Now.

If you don’t know that one, you’re missing out. “Go! GO Now! RUUUN!” Loved the movie where he was a soldier all burly and  tough and stuffs, and he was fighting off this alien thingy that was in fact actually Jean-Claude van Damme in a suit, doing acrobatics in the trees of some random rainforest. True Story.

If you think that this chopper has any correlation with the chopper referred to by Arnold, I regret to tell you that it doesn’t.  So here is The Chopper. I get the idea of getting hit on the head with an object…. Doesn’t sound really awesome, come to think about it. So I tried to make it more interesting, more engaging, but a guy getting hit across the head can only be so cool. As I moved further into the stunt I realized that this is going to be a fail. I could feel it in my pants.

Rummaging around I find an old broomstick. But old. You know these broomsticks that have started to get deep grooves in them from age and everyone gripping the same place when sweeping? One of those old, faded broomsticks, made from old-time HARD wood, not the crap they sell these days. Well, it was one of those. Not even flexible. At all. It was hard as balls.

I can remember Pete found the thing somewhere, I have no idea where it came from though. It was just lying there. Perfectly placed for the stunt at hand. So I grab my lawnchair and head out to the backyard to set up the skit.

Pow Baby

Sitting down on the chair. Like a boss.  I told Pete to try and break the broomstick on my head. Bright idea, right? Not really. I later came to regret the decision of getting cracked on the noggin with a broomstick. Not as much that I wouldn’t do it again. Give me broomstick and it’s on like Donkey Kong.

Sitting on the chair getting ready for the impact, Pete asks: “Would you like to save your shades?”. I was confused for a minute, and I tried to figure out what he meant with that question. After a brief moment of the hamster running a few meters, I decided to just say no.

In my peripheral vision I could see Pete gearing up to bring the smackdown. At the last second I realized that this probably wasn’t the greatest idea ever, since I have shaved head. Oh well, it was too late.  I tensed up as the broomstick thwacked my head. It was shit. Saw a bright flash, and felt a bit weird for a few minutes. I could hear someone was yelling from somewhere: “His head’s bleeding!”  At first I was yeah, right, whatever. But soon I felt something warm on my head. Straight after the whack I gripped my head and was feeling that broomstick. That thing was bloody hard. Didn’t even bend one inch. Instead it lacerated the top of my head.

Bleeding weird.....

It was throbbing like a boss, and I had a instant headache. A bad headache. But now, I have to add that I am disappointed in the amount of blood. Usually on the movies (Yeah, I know, the movies. But still) whenever someone gets clobbered on the noggin or stabbed with a fork they bleed profusely. That is a lie. Unfortunate, but true. But on a side note, one of my friends said “You bleed weird”… I was like okay, what does THAT mean. You bleed weird. So now every time I see this I remember her saying that I bleed weird.

Back to the chopper though, my head was throbbing. At the time the adrenaline dulled some of the initial pain, but within 30 minutes it felt like my brain was lolling around in my skull. It was bullshit. Apparently I had to get stitches.

Mexican accent: “Stitches? Stitches? What stitches? We don’t need no steenkin’ stiches!”

It bled for a little while, and I was walking around like a douche with a tissue on my head because the blood kept running down my face and neck. Godamnit. So you probably think after this episode I said “Eff it” and went to cower in a corner? No sir! Just kept on stunting! We did the Rake on the Back and some other stuffs that afternoon… Winning stuffs went down that day.

That broomstick hurt like shit

Just so you know,  I had a massive headache for 4 days afterwards. Like a constant, throbbing type of headache. Some blurry vision, but not too much.

Moral of the story is, we tried it at home. It was shit. Not to be tried at home at all. The broomstick could be a awesome weapon should you be victim of a burglary. I rate a full power shot across the back, head or full in the face to incapacitate a normal human being, at least for a few minutes.

So now I am left with a kind of awesome scar, and the know-how to use a broomstick as an impromptu weapon…or in a stunt.

Also remember to join our Facebook Fan Page, where you get access to exclusive photos and updates, as well as vintage Dudes of Hazard content only available on the page! Check out more crazy episodes on YouTube and follow us on Twitter!

As always, stay awesome, and stay safe! – JV 8)

The Chopper

New Table Manners

Looks harmless enough, yes? He's just another South African dude with a brushcut. Although this is from way back in 2008 when Dudes of Hazard were still called The Brotherhood SA.

So, if you have watched our stuffs on our YouTube channel, you might have noticed that Chuck is a man of no moderation. It’s either too hard or too soft with him. I’m scared of him…kind of. You never know what surprises he has in store for us.

Bad Table Manners? Come and have a lesson or two with Chuck

This story will be about table manners. Some people have some serious issues with eating like a human. I must admit, I don’t mind pigging out now and again on a awesome cheese burger or a braaivleisie and Miller or 10.  So we’re just chilling around the house when Chuck says: “I have the best idea! It’s called New Table Manners, and it’s going to be awesome!”

Let’s just have a quick word about “awesome”…. sometimes we use the word “awesome” a bit too liberally. With what we do, sometimes a stunt sounds awesome in theory, but in execution it sucks donkey balls. Many a times when we plan a skit and it sounds like shit on paper,  8 out of 10 times it’s epic when you actually do it. Sometimes the most simplistic ideas turn into awesomeness.  We had a random video with me blowing a big-ass flame over Pete’s balls, flaming his insane shrubbery of pubes into a smoking, stinking pile of ashes. It was the most simplistic video ever, yet it was awesome! To see a massive flame engulfing someone’s cock and balls never gets old. He could be lucky his cock was all wrapped up in label stickers. Yeah, label stickers. It sounds whack, but those stickers saved his cock from being a crispy piece of bacon-esque human barbeque.

Yeah. It's a cock. And a flame. Way back in 2008

You are probable calling bullshit on the story, so there is some proof! It was insane!

Back to the table manners episode. So we’re very interested in this whole Table Manners with Chuck he’s all ranting about.  So we break out the cam and head to the backyard. “Be right back” Chuck says and disappears around the corner. A few minutes later he emerges with a fork and a cloth. So I thought to myself this is going to be the biggest load or shit under the sun. What could he possible do with a fork and a cloth? A magic trick? Houdini style fairy trickery that he claims to be awesome?

So Pete and I…we’re giving each other these “What the shit?” looks, knowing that this is probably going to suck big time. Jamaican accent: “Beeg Tyme. Beeg Taayme”

Started rolling, and he grabs the fork, and takes a tough guy pose. He does the intro to the skit. He says it nonchalantly. Like nothing major is about to go down. “I’m Chuck, and this is some New Table Manners”. Without a second thought he swings the fork down. You hear a strange “thud” sound…like maybe a knife being stabbed into some polystyrene.  He pegged himself in the forearm! HIMSELF!  Insanity!! After a brief moment of alarm signals rushing towards his brain, telling him “Hey dude….like….I don’t want to scare you are anything, but there was just a metal fork pegged into your body’s forearm. No need to fret though, it’s only bright red oxygen-rich blood. It’s nothing.”

Chuck checked out this fork in his arm and yelled. He didn’t sound very distressed even. Just like a casual “Ahhh Motherf…..” I think you can figure out what he said, yes?

Yeah. That's a fork. Pegged in his arm. True Story.

It was absolutely amazing! Here Chuck stood, not appearing in a lot of pain, with a fork sticking out of his arm. He slowly goes to one knee and grips his forearm. He was feeling the pain now! Pete was still busy asking him he would like someone to pull it out, when Chuck pulled it out by himself!

He was bleeding. I was expecting fountains and buckets full of Kill Bill blood to flood the floor, but only a surprisingly small amount of bright red blood tricked from his arm. When the fork slid out of him, he sounded like a Nazi in distress, with a high pitched “NEIN” He was cursing and laughing at the same time. He sounded very pleased with himself, exclaiming: “That was freakin’ amazing!”  Pete was standing against the wall, his facial expression was epic. He had a look of pure amazement in his eyes. I was impressed with Chuck. Where we though this was going to be some lame magic trickery stunt, he proved us wrong with a fork pegged into his arm!

A trickle of blood?

He didn’t seem to phased about it though.  He took the cloth he brought along… not the cleanest one ever..but hey, we’re stuntmen. Don’t need no clean cloths! A few minutes later he was talking on his mobile, checking out his arm where he just stabbed himself. This was one of the craziest ideas we have come up with to date. Once again this proves that you don’t need a huge budget and branded props to make an awesome video. This is proof that anything can happen if you have the drive and the determination. There have been so many instances where we just wanted to call it a day, so discouraged by negativity of some of the the viewers and the rejection of our proposal by potential sponsors or channels. But the next day, when I load the Fanpage and read all the positive comments on there and on Twitter, it makes it all worth it.

“Keep your ideals high…remember that the sky belongs to no one.”

That is about how this works. For the amount of setbacks, there are equal amounts of positivity and awesomeness, both from our fans and from South African companies and sites who sees the potential of our show. I was so surprised when I read my e-mails this morning and one of our fans on YouTube named TheDixiKiller (From South Africa) posted this comment:

“Donner julle ouens het guts.. julle moet op TV kom en meer bekend raak! Ekt julle video nou op ‘n site geadverteer… Hou aan julle drome volg en ek hoop die beste vir julle .”

English Translation:

“Damn you guys have guts.. you should be on TV and become more well known! I have advertised your video on a site.. Keep on following your dreams, and I hope for the best for you guys!”

Just a few simple words like this makes it all worth it. Every time you hear some say: “You’re just copycats, you suck, you’re idiots, you give South Africa a bad name”, just ONE person’s appreciation outshines all the negativity.

THANK YOU!

Dudes of Hazard would also like to thank Cat van den Berg, founder and editor of the awesome alt-magazine in South Africa called Black Mountain Magazine for featuring us in the Mayhem section of their mag, as well as on their website. Thank you for the opportunity Cat, you are so super awesome! You have no idea how much it means to us, and we are honored to be a dweller of The Mountain! Also a special thanks to Wesley Jeftha of Definite Culture South Africa, who set up Dudes of Hazard’s profile on their media portal and website Definite Culture. We appreciate it grandly mate!

I guess there are still some kind hearted people left in the world who don’t forget the little guys still trying to make a name.

I guess this wraps up New Table Manners. If you like what you read, please subscribe to our blog! You don’t need to be a member of WordPress to keep up with our stuffs, if you subscribe your e-mail will be added to a list and you’ll receive an update with every new post! For all you people who are on WordPress or most other blogs, you know how it works! Subscribe and follow!

Also remember to join our Facebook Fan Page, where you get access to exclusive photos and updates, as well as vintage Dudes of Hazard content only available on the page! Check out more crazy episodes on YouTube and follow us on Twitter!

It’s been awesome, and as always, stay safe! – JV 8)

New Table Manners

The Dreaded ShitBox9™


The first Dudes of Hazard Shitbox9™ skit

Alright all of you. This is going to get slightly weird. So if you don’t like the idea of fermented human feces stored in a  sealed mayonnaise jar for 3 months, then you might want to close your eyes for this one! This is the story involving the Shitbox9™!

This shit is about to get heavy. Pun intended! Lets start at the beginning. During our early days we had a bright spark called Shitbox9™.  The general idea being we would collect shit in jars. Shit? Yes! Human shit. In fact, it was our own shit. Disturbed yet? You havent’ heard the best yet. So we would collect all these jars half full of shit. If the brown bear came out to play, you’d trap him the jar and seal him up. You know, to store, because at the time we didn’t really know what we’re going to do with the shit, or the box…..

One of the many dreaded jars of fermented shit

So the amount of jars multiplied like rabbits… We’re stuntmen, we need our nutrition, we eat a lot, and hence… ahhh I think you might think why the number of jars grew rapidly. As time went by it became harder and harder to keep the jars from giving off the most godawful smell. It was nauseating. Kind of like…old curry mixed with..bleh. It can’t be explained. You only need to know that if you opened that jar, you were guaranteed to chunder.

Looking back I don’t even know why we had 14 bottles of shit at one stage. It’s insanity I rate. What person in their normal state of mind would collect shit in jars, and not have one or the other nefarious purpose for it? Well, it turns out we did have a purpose for it. Not vandalism of badgery of the public, but rather to let Pete step into a virtual gas chamber of old, mixed, moldy shit. Juicy shit. Runny shit. Big ol’ loggers. They didn’t mind blending in together in a perfect harmony of horrible stench. Does it sound awful yet? I would think so yes!

So we sat down and brainstormed what we should do with all of these gathered shitbottles. They were like Nazi traps just waiting to be deployed, a smelly, disgusting brown bastard just waiting to pounce and make you chunder like there’s no future.

A shitty preparation...

Then it hit me. Like a close range paintball shot. The Shitbox9™! Now this seemed like a very good idea at the time. We didn’t care much about preparing it. Psyched like beasts we hunted down a random box big enough for Pete’s noggin to fit in, and have some space in front for the shitty jar to be kind of screwed on to the bottom. So it comprised that Pete would now have this box, taped with heavy duty plastic so that there is no easy escape, and then sit and choke on the smell of the intense brown shitty smell.  A brown smell? Yes my friends, a BROWN SHITTY STENCH… when you smell that shit you can even taste in in the back of your throat. Its’ sickening. It’s like it seeps into your skin, into your pores, finding a way under your skin. And the fact that the lids of our silicone-sealed jars have started to rust and pop out didn’t help much.

Some of the jars lids have started to kind of like, pop off by itself due to a build up of gas.  True Story.  We have left some of the jars in the sun as well, so you can imagine how tight that shit was crammed in with that gas. Toit. Toit loik a toiger’s arse.

We walked Pete out to the lawn with the box, shit, gloves and tape to make sure there was no easy escape from this shitty situation. As the time of his impending boxing drew nearer, he started to feel the pressure. It took some heavy persuading to let Pete go through with it. He knew what waited for him once he was taped in. There would be no escape. Well, no easy escape, that is.

Strapped in, ready to rumble and snort the shit!

Strapped in and ready to snort the shit. Hell yeah! It was all coming together brilliantly. Chuck was the cameraman, I had my Dexter’s-mom gloves on and we were ready for surgery! Pete was sweating bullets, the dogs were all around us investigating the shit that was about to play out here. I took the first bottle out of the box and tried to twist the lid. Nothing. Nada. It was tightly sealed. Off I went to fetch a knife (which obviously went straight to the greater Ermelo junk yard afterwards. There was no way in hell that thing came near to anything, ever again. Eeuw!)

So the silicone was pierced and cut, and already you could hear the slow but steady “ssssssssssss” from the gas escaping from the pressure. The stench was bad. Real bad. Horrible. So with much effort I finally got the lid twisted open. With a loud “SHHHHHHHHTTTTTT” the gas escaped, sending splatters of liquified shit and God knows what else sputtering all over me and Chuck.

The smell. HO-LY SHIT! It was so bad. So so bad. There was no stopping the stench from taking over your entire respiratory system. It was insanity. You can’t breath, you can’t cough, you can’t do anything. Your body starts to retch involuntarily. You feel paralyzed, like you have been incapacitated by the stink.

The dogs seemed to find it very interesting though. They both read the encrypted messages in the horrible stench, with their noses pointed left, right and centre!

Taking it like a man!

I manned up and screwed the bottle into the hole we so deliberately cut for maximum effect right under Pete’s nose.  I could see Pete take deep breath before the bottle was screwed on. It wasn’t the most optimal air to draw, but it was better than the confined shitstorm that was about to be unleashed inside his box of sorrow.  To be quite honest, I was really impressed with the amount of time Pete held his breath. It seemed like he had a adrenaline fueled superhuman ability to survive without oxygen. But not likely, as he eventually exhaled, only to gasp for another breath. Bad idea to hold his breath beforehand. He was now kind of out of breath, and the small sniffs he took to avoid the stench didn’t help at all. You could see the panic in his eyes as he realized he’s trapped like a panda in the middle of a Chinese kitchen. Surrounded by hungry Japs with long knifes…. instead of Japs he was trapped in the grasp of the Brown Bear. He swayed his head… he coughed. Drooled like crazy. He was looking for a way out of this shit trap. He didn’t chunder, or hadn’t yet. He was close to calling George. Big time. Pale as a sheet he started clawing at the front of the box. Good thing we used industrial plastic! He couldn’t get it torn.

He started clawing frantically at the plastic in the front and the back of the box, but couldn’t get a grip. Beforehand we circled the box a few times with the tape to make sure he was trapped good. He started to shake his head, coughing and retching uncontrollably. His head swayed like a massive beast from a a movie…maybe like Clash of the Titans or similar. He looked like he might faint! I was concerned for a brief moment, but with renewed energy he started to claw the box, hitting the side with his fist, rubbing the box against the wall! It was so funny to see, Pete looked epically comical with the box taped to his head and not being able to get it off!

You can see how the chunder and stuffs is dripping from the box. He's still trapped in the stench, mind you.

With a almighty roar he yelled “GET IT OFFFFFF!!!” which signaled the man was close losing it in his shitstained compartment of torture. I stepped in with the knife and cut the fron to the plastic off the box. He tore it open like a mandman, his eyes bulging like a frog slowly being squished by a 3 year old hooligan on his tricycle. His eyes were watery and bloodshot, he was dripping with sweat. It was intesne! Real intense. He kept spitting and spitting, taking long  gulps of magnificen fresh air.

He slouched forward and looked like a man who just lost his wife, his car and the power of his cock. He was tired. He looked like he needed a shower. He smelled like he was a hobo slogging in through the trashcans of Hillbrow.  Chuck was convulsing next to me as the open jar of shit was lying on the grass. With the whole commotion of Pete running around like a headless chicken, she jar was kicked and the shitty shit was spilt all over the lawn. The smell was horrible. Even though it’s been open a good 10 minutes it still smelled like ass.

Methodically we cit the box from the now agitated Pete, who just wanted out from this horrid ordeal. Finally we got the shit smeared box off his head. He stumbled round the yer, cursing under his breath. It was really a sight to see.

Pete is clearly not impressed with the shit he had to endure

The box was off.  Pete was free. The shit still smelled like shit.

Pete smelled like shit. I asked him how he felt, to which he replied:

I CAN TASTE IT!

How horrible does that sound? It’s whack.

We asked him if he would ever do it again? He replied with a sarcastic, hood-rat attitude of “Aww Hell Naww!” and stumbled off to take the longest shower he has taken ihis entire life. He might have washed with some Handy Andy and bleach and brushed his teeth until his gums bled like a wounded Vietnam soldier’s gut shot.

Yet, here we are in 2011, and we’re at the Shitbox9™ again. This time it’s going to be an insane contraption where he’s actually going to be in a box roughly the size of a large fridge.

Shit is going to rain down like the worst, and he’s going to be trapped in there. Taking it. Like a boss.

Well everyone, it’s been real, but I have to get cracking! Remember to join our Facebook Fan Page and become part of Hazard Family, where you will have EXCLUSIVE access to vintage content and videos not available anywhere else.  Also fllow us on Twitter and subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

Oh yeah, and join our blog, yes? You will get an e-mail update if you’re not using WordPress, so you can read what’s going on in the lives of Dudes of Hazard!

As always, stay safe! – JV 8)

Pete’s Hard Knock Life with Zambooby!


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