Get To The Chopper!

Get To The Chopper!!

Chopper. The Chopper. Not a very inventive name, yes? If you hear someone say: “Hey, dude, did you see The Chopper? It was crazy” you’d pro’lly think about a real helicopter…and rate a chopper not to be really something awesome. Or most of the hardcore action fans will have an instant flashback to Predator, where Arnold did his famous “GET TO DA CHOPPAAAAAHH!” line.

Choppers. Arnold says get to them. Now.

If you don’t know that one, you’re missing out. “Go! GO Now! RUUUN!” Loved the movie where he was a soldier all burly and  tough and stuffs, and he was fighting off this alien thingy that was in fact actually Jean-Claude van Damme in a suit, doing acrobatics in the trees of some random rainforest. True Story.

If you think that this chopper has any correlation with the chopper referred to by Arnold, I regret to tell you that it doesn’t.  So here is The Chopper. I get the idea of getting hit on the head with an object…. Doesn’t sound really awesome, come to think about it. So I tried to make it more interesting, more engaging, but a guy getting hit across the head can only be so cool. As I moved further into the stunt I realized that this is going to be a fail. I could feel it in my pants.

Rummaging around I find an old broomstick. But old. You know these broomsticks that have started to get deep grooves in them from age and everyone gripping the same place when sweeping? One of those old, faded broomsticks, made from old-time HARD wood, not the crap they sell these days. Well, it was one of those. Not even flexible. At all. It was hard as balls.

I can remember Pete found the thing somewhere, I have no idea where it came from though. It was just lying there. Perfectly placed for the stunt at hand. So I grab my lawnchair and head out to the backyard to set up the skit.

Pow Baby

Sitting down on the chair. Like a boss.  I told Pete to try and break the broomstick on my head. Bright idea, right? Not really. I later came to regret the decision of getting cracked on the noggin with a broomstick. Not as much that I wouldn’t do it again. Give me broomstick and it’s on like Donkey Kong.

Sitting on the chair getting ready for the impact, Pete asks: “Would you like to save your shades?”. I was confused for a minute, and I tried to figure out what he meant with that question. After a brief moment of the hamster running a few meters, I decided to just say no.

In my peripheral vision I could see Pete gearing up to bring the smackdown. At the last second I realized that this probably wasn’t the greatest idea ever, since I have shaved head. Oh well, it was too late.  I tensed up as the broomstick thwacked my head. It was shit. Saw a bright flash, and felt a bit weird for a few minutes. I could hear someone was yelling from somewhere: “His head’s bleeding!”  At first I was yeah, right, whatever. But soon I felt something warm on my head. Straight after the whack I gripped my head and was feeling that broomstick. That thing was bloody hard. Didn’t even bend one inch. Instead it lacerated the top of my head.

Bleeding weird.....

It was throbbing like a boss, and I had a instant headache. A bad headache. But now, I have to add that I am disappointed in the amount of blood. Usually on the movies (Yeah, I know, the movies. But still) whenever someone gets clobbered on the noggin or stabbed with a fork they bleed profusely. That is a lie. Unfortunate, but true. But on a side note, one of my friends said “You bleed weird”… I was like okay, what does THAT mean. You bleed weird. So now every time I see this I remember her saying that I bleed weird.

Back to the chopper though, my head was throbbing. At the time the adrenaline dulled some of the initial pain, but within 30 minutes it felt like my brain was lolling around in my skull. It was bullshit. Apparently I had to get stitches.

Mexican accent: “Stitches? Stitches? What stitches? We don’t need no steenkin’ stiches!”

It bled for a little while, and I was walking around like a douche with a tissue on my head because the blood kept running down my face and neck. Godamnit. So you probably think after this episode I said “Eff it” and went to cower in a corner? No sir! Just kept on stunting! We did the Rake on the Back and some other stuffs that afternoon… Winning stuffs went down that day.

That broomstick hurt like shit

Just so you know,  I had a massive headache for 4 days afterwards. Like a constant, throbbing type of headache. Some blurry vision, but not too much.

Moral of the story is, we tried it at home. It was shit. Not to be tried at home at all. The broomstick could be a awesome weapon should you be victim of a burglary. I rate a full power shot across the back, head or full in the face to incapacitate a normal human being, at least for a few minutes.

So now I am left with a kind of awesome scar, and the know-how to use a broomstick as an impromptu weapon…or in a stunt.

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As always, stay awesome, and stay safe! – JV 8)

The Chopper


About JoVaara

We do stunts and on the lookout for someone who would sign us on a Dudes of Hazard TV show.

Posted on October 25, 2011, in More Dudes of Hazard Stuffs and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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